Vampires Need Grammar and Punctuation Editing Too

Why vampires and editing? My novel Beside the Darker Shore is due out June 2011, and I'm currently working on page editing with the publisher. Being an editor myself, the issues we're addressing aren't as much about grammar and punctuation as tightening and clarifying. But I thought it might be fun to go in and mess up some scenes and then show corrections as a way to learn proper grammar and punctuation use.

Also, here's a chance to explore techniques of writing a publishable novel, such as creating a compelling first line and a character the audience will follow for two hundred pages.

Opening two paragraphs for an initial "taste."

As soon as Arturo stepped into the restroom, the three men at the urinals zipped and scattered. Stephen leaned heavily on the open door, holding it for their quick exit, while Arturo circled the room unmoved. Hands pocketed deep in his coat, the vampire stopped before the mirror and unashamedly assessed himself.

Stephen rolled his eyes, but then caught Arturo’s in the mirror, a deep brown warmth he’d come to depend on. The vampire could don a long coat as he wore now, smooth back his black waves, and carry forth the disdainful air of nobility, but Stephen knew him well enough now, had seen him windblown, sharp, and honest, and the air he held wasn’t disdain, it was pride and it was the fierce pride of the peasant.

“C’mon, Arturo, winter’s gonna be hard enough on Boston without your frigid temper. You’re turning my skin blue. You need blood.”